


If I Just. . .

by questionmarkonlife



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Depression, Derek isn't gloomy, Derek tries to help in his own way, Guardian Angel Derek, M/M, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski's Name is Genim, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 16:43:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7446376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/questionmarkonlife/pseuds/questionmarkonlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life. If Derek were to describe it, he'd say that life is a roller coaster of ups and downs that will ultimately end with contentment. How else was it supposed to end? The where where Derek's an angel and Genim's riding out whatever twisted path fate has in store for him. Will everything turn out in accordance with Derek's ideology?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Just. . .

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I've had this sitting around for a year and it was originally for another pairing but I thought Sterek would be an interesting fit for this plot :)
> 
> Just a heads up if y'all don't like to read between the lines; I wanted this fic to be one where the readers can imagine some of the content as the timeline progresses and connect the dots! 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyyyy .x

 

Life. If Derek were to describe it, he'd say that life is a roller coaster of ups and downs that will ultimately end with _contentment_. How else was it supposed to end? His kind—his very existence—worked to ensure that for very person on this planet. Of course, there were limits as to how much they could influence the humans' lives because it all trickles down to how the humans want to live. For instance, a Guardian could help maintain homeostasis within a mortal's body but was prohibited from manipulating mental processes. The biggest rule was that no Guardian Angel could make direct contact with his/her charge but not once did that pose a problem to Derek.

 

Derek Hale has had seven charges during his existence as a Guardian Angel. That doesn't give him much experience in comparison to those who have been at this for several millennia but he stays optimistic all the same. Why shouldn't he? Life was such a beautiful thing and the negative aspects shouldn't be delved upon for too long. In his eyes, downhills were always followed by uphills.

 

So when Derek felt the slight tug in his chest indicating that he was about to be bonded with his next charge, he couldn't be more excited. He followed the strong pull to a hospital in the small county of Beacon Hills, California and watched in awe as he spotted an exhausted mother tenderly cradling a newborn baby. She touched the baby's cheek and smiled. “Welcome, Genim, my beautiful boy.”

 

 _Genim._ He can't help the adoring smile that shined on his face.

 

* * *

 

In the following years, Derek watched as Genim made his first steps, as he stuttered over his very first word and as he nervously pushed through the heavy doors on his first day of school. Derek had no doubt in his mind that Genim, the little ball of sunshine that he was, would grow into a fine young man. Maybe there would be a few little bumps here and there but that's nothing to worry about.

 

When the first bump came along, Genim was eight years old. He was crying on the playground turf as three other boys around his age yelled at him for joining in on their game of tag. Derek watched on in unadulterated rage as the brutes spat on poor Genim before scoffing at the curled-up boy and leaving. Sobs continued to wrack through Genim's body and he curled more into himself to try to stifle the noise. Derek's heart painfully clenched at the sight and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and wrap the boy in a warm hug. But he knew that it was forbidden to make contact and instead decided to exercise his power for the first time as Genim's Guardian. He sifted through the possibilities in his mind and paused.

 

_Maybe if I gave him a friend, he'll be fine again._

 

Derek nodded his head in approval of this idea and no less than a day later, Genim became instant friends with a rambunctious nine year old named Austin.

 

_Downhills are always followed by uphills._

 

* * *

 

When Genim was sixteen, he had reached a bigger bump. Austin, his best friend of eight years, had abandoned him in pursuit for superficial popularity. Austin morphed into a materialistic joke of a human who craved sex and cars, and Derek only hoped that the boy's Guardian would guide him back on a more decent path soon.

 

After that, Genim grew detached. He muddled through school and barely talked to his peers. He was restless; he couldn't sleep, tossing and turning in his bed as he huffed in frustration at it all. When he did fall asleep, he would quietly whimper until he jolted awake at three in the morning. Derek couldn't bear watching Genim in this state and tried to soothe the brunette's mind but that didn't work. Derek was desperate and closed his eyes in contemplation.

 

_Maybe if I gave him some sleep medication, he'll be fine again._

 

It worked. Sleeping pills began appearing on Genim's bedside table and the whiskey-eyed boy thought nothing of it, numbly popping two in his hand every night and swallowing it dry before flopping into bed and waiting for oblivion to wash over his eyes.

 

Derek gave himself a pat on the back for coming up with this resolution but it was short-lived when a curve ball hit him not a week later.

 

The sleeping pills were disappearing at a breakneck pace. In a week's time, the bottle was completely empty and Derek's senses blurred as he looked at Genim's prone form being wheeled into an ER.

 

He had overdosed.

 

Derek felt a piece of himself crumble in knowing that he had enabled this to happen. But he tried to push the negativity aside because this was only temporary; he has to focus on the long-term. As Genim groggily blinked open his eyes at the dreary white hospital ceiling, Derek promised to right his mistake and stopped giving the brunette sleeping medication.

 

_Downhills are always followed by uphills._

 

* * *

 

Life for Genim dragged on tediously. Derek saw the circles under Genim's eyes darken with each passing day and the tears that would silently cascade down his cheeks in the dead of night. He tortuously watched the light ebb away from the mole-freckled boy's glowing, whiskey eyes. What can he do?

 

An idea sparked. Love. Derek can't fully give Genim the love he deserves and that crushed him because all he wanted to do was care for Genim in any way possible. Genim needed someone who would actually see his pure beauty the way Derek saw it.

 

_Maybe if I helped him find a lover, he'll be fine again._

 

Love can attempt to heal the cracks of sadness but Derek felt a nick of guilt for meddling with something as sacred and complex as love. Such an action can only be done in extreme cases and looking down at Genim's hunched form, he thought that it was worth the risk.

 

And so, on a misty Thursday morning in a small coffee shop, Genim met an awfully charming barista named Theo. One visit turned into daily visits and Derek timidly grinned when Theo asked Genim out on a lunch date. Things ran smoothly after that: Genim experienced his first kiss under the rain (Derek had to hold back a chuckle at the cliché), the human pair grew closer together and they often stayed overnight at each other's homes.

 

Derek saw a shine return back into Genim's eyes and he thought that the kid had finally found an anchor in his life to steer him in the path toward happiness. He thought that he had finally done something right as Genim's Guardian. He _thought_.

 

On Genim and Theo's one month anniversary, things took a turn for the worst. Genim woke up to an empty, cold bed and frowned at the drawers haphazardly thrown open. Derek remorsefully watched on as Genim walked up to the drawers and searched through them in a panic. And Derek knew why he was so worried. Genim was saving up for university and had hidden stacks of money within his various drawers. Derek wanted to hit something, preferably that bastard Theo, because he knew that Genim had been saving that money since he was eleven years old. He was there when Genim mowed the neighbors' lawns during the weekends, when he slaved away at local restaurants at god awful hours, and when he tallied up his earnings over and over again in sadness because the numbers never added up.

 

Derek's eyes watered in utter rage because _it just wasn't fair_. It wasn't fair for such an innocent soul to get entangled in so much hurt so early in life. Every deserving soul was supposed to get a happy ending—that's the rule that his kind lived by. So why did it feel like Genim won't get his happily ever after?

 

The more Derek thought about this, the more he got angry at the world. A searing pain began growing in the very center of his chest and Derek humorlessly laughed once realization dawned on him.

 

He can't have these negative thoughts because it went against what he stood for. He existed to help keep the world in a positive check; he's supposed to epitomize protection, purity, kindness, and trust. He needed to think positively otherwise he'll just be. . . lost. And so that's what he does. He thinks of a way to make Genim's situation better.

 

_Maybe if I gave him some money, he'll be fine again._

 

He could try to compensate for the monetary loss. Sure, he'll have to pull some strings with a few Guardians but he's sure that it'll work out. _It has to work out_ , he chanted to himself, staring at the weeping boy kneeled on the floor.

 

Derek works nonstop to arrange the money request with his superiors and in two week's time, a pile of crisp bills sat atop Genim's unmade bed. All $16,850 of it. Derek held his breath and reeled through Genim's possible reactions. Would he be pleasantly surprised and assume that Theo had a change of heart? Or would he be creeped out by the sudden appearance of his money?

 

Derek hadn't seen Genim since Theo left and he felt insanely guilty for that. He stayed back in the heavens, where time progressed differently than in the mortal world, in order to go through the long process of convincing his superiors to approve his request. And now he has no clue what state Genim's in and it made him want to anxiously tear his hair out.

 

A grumble sounded from down the hallway and Derek stilled at the familiar voice. “Bitchy ass—motherfuckin. . .cunt, piece of shit. . .”

 

Derek raised an eyebrow at the profanities and made an educated guess that Genim's not in the best of moods. The door to the kid's room swung open and Genim was stood there with his mouth agape at what's sat on his bed. Derek analyzed Genim and instantly noticed something different. The brunette was wearing baggy clothes and his hair was severely disheveled; there's an acrid edge to his aura and Derek can't pinpoint the reason behind it. “What. THE FUCK?”

 

Genim ran to the money and shuffled through the stacks of fifties and hundreds. Derek watched him expectantly but was caught off guard when Genim proceeded to calmly put the money in one of his drawers before kicking off his shoes to crawl into bed. Derek stayed until he heard the steady breaths coming from the sleeping boy, considering this to be the start of a better tomorrow.

 

_Downhills are always followed by uphills._

 

He thought that nothing bad could possibly happen to Genim in the weeks to come. He thought that everything would go uphill for at least a couple of years. Genim deserved that much.

 

But the universe had its way of rearing up trouble. Perhaps it's trying to convey that he's been a lousy Guardian. And Derek can't deny that. He knew it was true. If he had thought through his decisions, if he had been more careful, then he wouldn't have to watch as Genim apprehensively twirled a needle in his hands whilst mumbling to himself. “C'mon, don't be a cunt. I-I need this. Fuck, just fucking. . . do it.”

 

 _Don't do it, Genim_ , Derek urged, willing every fiber of his being to let those words sink into Genim.

 

_Don't do it. Please don't do it._

 

At that moment, Genim drove the needle into his right arm and injected its poisonous contents into his veins. Derek looked away, unable to bear the sudden giggles of drunken euphoria escaping from the boy as the drug's effects kicked in.

 

A failure. That was all Derek was. He failed to protect Genim—he failed to make the right decisions as a Guardian. It was a constant train of thought, amplified as he witnessed Genim stumble through his door every night with bloodshot eyes and a foul string of words spewing from his mouth, as he turned the other way whenever Genim lit up another line of powder or made another puncture in his right arm.

 

And it hurt. It actually _physically_ hurt. Derek couldn't describe the pain because it became all that he knew. Who would've guessed that this was what heartbreak felt like. It won't be long until he just dissipates from it all, and for once, he was _right_. And he couldn't believe it.

 

Derek couldn't believe it as Genim sat on the side of his bed injecting needle after needle into his already abused arm. He couldn't believe it as Genim leaned against the headboard and breathlessly chuckled to himself.

 

He just _couldn't believe it_.

 

Because no way would Genim purposely do this. No way would things have gone this far. And he could try to deny it all he wanted, but the words bubbling through Genim's numb lips said otherwise.

 

“Please, let me be free. . .”

 

“-no more pain. . .”

 

“-happy, finally”

 

“ _Please_.”

 

Genim closed his eyes and Derek felt the boy's system undergo shutdown. He knew that Genim's heart was beating at a dangerously slow rate, his own throat closed in as he felt the boy's breathing depress.

 

Waves of panic crashed into Derek and in this sea of disorientation, something surfaced.

 

He had the power to bring Genim's body back to homeostasis; he could prevent his Genim from dying.

 

But is he actually _saving_ the boy's soul? Would Genim be happy if he were to wake up to his bedroom ceiling rather than an endless oblivion?

 

Derek looked to Genim's relaxed face and thought that it was the most serene he had seen the boy in a very long time. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and tell Genim that he was loved, that he was something worth holding onto.

 

But he simply couldn't. And with that, Derek made up his mind.

 

He hadn't been able to do a lot of things for Genim when he needed him, but Derek wanted to at least do one thing right. And this was it.

 

And so, Derek just watched on as he normally did. He watched as Genim whispered his last words as if he knew that Derek was in the room with him.

 

“Thank you.”

 

He watched as Genim took his last breath. He watched as Genim's dad rushed into the room, crashing down next to Genim's lifeless body and screaming in pure agony. He watched as ambulance sirens made everything bleed red.

 

And Derek was just left with his thoughts.

 

_Now that, I gave him peace. . ._

 

_he'll be . . ._

 

_fine._

 


End file.
